Faith Struggle

I always told myself that if I blog or share apart of me, that I would speak from my heart, not lie, and be unapologetically me. 

And here I am. I'm going to share with you my issues with Faith. Like a little therapy session. As most of those close to me know, things don't always come out of my mouth correctly. And I'm not meaning to offend - sometimes I speak (or type) without thinking. 

Let's dive into my issues...that sounds so self-centered and narcissistic...but here we are.

I few up Methodist. I had friends that were Catholic and would join them for CCD or mass. I married a Catholic, I became a Catholic, my children were baptized as Catholic. There are things that I like about Catholicism and things I just didn't. And after having to struggle to get across town to get to mass on time and pouring our lives into leading church festivals and helping with events with criticism. We left. I decided to go back to the church where my children went to preschool. I always felt welcomed there. I remember from early on the Pastor greeting us every morning I dropped Lizzie off. And the members of the church very welcoming. And it brought me back to my Young Life and youth groups. And it was Catholic-lite, haha.

I started a plan where I read the bible in a year. And as I read both Old and New Testaments at the same time, I keep feeling like I'm going to go to hell. I have done wrong in my life and reading the words, I keep thinking well, I'm going to hell. Even thought Injave changed my ways, grown-up, became a wife, a parent, I still feel that way. Some days I think there are people in this world that are truly evil and I get to spend eternity with them. I try very hard to live a righteous life, to do what I am supposed to but I feel like the Word is saying I'm not good enough. And this is a huge struggle for me. I have repented, I've told my confessions to a priest…which why should I have to do that? Shouldn’t that between me and him?

Also, I don't think one religion is better than another. I feel like if all Christians have the same goal. But then again, if we did, wouldn't the world be such a better place?

 Another struggle is with Faith. Not the church I attend, but actual Faith. I have this internal struggle. I know God is real. As yet I feel like when I question him, I'm choosing not to believe he is real. And I question a lot. I need him to prove himself to me. He really doesn't because He already has. And yet...

I would ask why and question. And believe me, I know it's not our place. But how could a God take my child from my womb at 16 weeks? How could He give me my miracle baby with so many issues? Or other babies with issues and problems? How could He take a friend away at a mere 39 with a 10-month-old son and a loving husband? How could He put my father-in-law in the bad condition when he showed no signs of being ill? How can He let the world be in the state it is in?

And where I don't have the answers for some of these, I think of what He has shown me. He has shown me things that can't be explained. How as we prayed the rosary of my husband’s stepmother, she passed away right as the sun set, where day met the night.

He showed me, angels. My best friend growing up’s mother, Theresa, was a Labor and Delivery nurse. She would tell us how she would deliver our babies. And she died tragically young. But the night I was set to deliver Lizzie, I dreamed of her. The next day as the contractions hit worse a nurse came in and said that my epidural ran out and the alarm was broken. She got it fixed and seeing me in pain, she said I'm going to sit with you and hold your hand. My name is Theresa.

When we had Cooper baptized, the Deacon asked if I had his wife as a nurse when he was delivered. I asked him her name and he said, “Theresa.”

We found that Luke, who I miscarried with was going to have so many issues if he was born. Then without even trying, I found myself pregnant with Cooper. And Cooper has touched so many lives. If Luke hadn't gone back to Heaven, Cooper wouldn't be here today. 

And recently I have seen His works through prayer. My father-in-law was diagnosed with Covid-19 on December 5. He showed no symptoms. My husband took him to the doctor's on January 21. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's and he till had Covid. On Sunday, he couldn't get out is his chair. My husband went to his parent's house at my mother-in-law’s urging.  They called EMS where they found his blood sugar level dropped to 43. They took him to the hospital. None of us could go. Come to find out he had Covid-pneumonia, he had no signs. He was given oxygen on Monday night. He took his make off and coded. They revived him with CPR and put him on a ventilator and moved him to a room in the ER since there were no beds in ICU. 

Dustin got to go in and see him on Tuesday (at his own risk). It was heartbreaking.  We were prepared for the worst. I clung on to hope. But in my mind, I couldn't understand it. How could God give us this pain? I prayed, we all prayed, friends and family prayed. We even had people put him on prayers chains at churches we have step foot in. 

And then, his EEG came back good. His MRI showed his lungs were doing well. And as of last night, he was starting to be weaned off the ventilator and was off for a full hour and now today he was off for two hours and squeezed the nurses hand when she asked him too. Those are little miracles and those are proof that prayer works and that He is listening. 

I'm not going to give up my hope for a full recovery for my father-in-law. I will continue to pray. And as I come to crossroads that cause me to question Him and wrestle with Faith, I will take time to reflect and remember that even though He doesn't have to prove himself, He has time and time again. 

What Could Go Wrong?

Cooking with Kerri…the cooking show inside Kerri’s head.

When we were all quarantined in March, Dustin decided to purchase an outdoor griddle. And let me tell you, food became fun…and so much better.

We cooked on that griddle all the time. Pancakes, veggies, shrimp, chicken and my favorite, fried rice. I say my favorite because Dustin pretended to be a chef at Benihana’s. If you know Dustin, you should know we couldn’t stop laughing.

Dustin has been having some pain in his shoulder and terrible muscle spasms. He goes to PT this week. And seeing how it’s our wedding anniversary (side note: I hate feeling like I have to clarify that. Because everyone celebrates all these little anniversaries. The day we met, the day we got engaged, the first time we were boyfriend and girlfriend. <insert eyeroll> I’m just not that girl. We started seriously dating the end of December 2003 and got married Jan. 16 2010).

Sorry, I got off on a tangent. Seeing how it’s our wedding anniversary, I decided I was going to make breakfast and I was going to use the griddle…something I know nothing about. But hey, what could go wrong? And if it’s cooked you can eat it, right?

It was pretty easy…this round. Because I wasn’t cooking anything hard. Like I would need to know how long to grill chicken, etc. this was easy. And it was good.

Here is the link to the griddle we have Member's Mark 4-Burner Outdoor Gas Griddle http://www.samsclub.com/sams/a/prod22750694.ip

And here are some photos of my absurdity.

The finished product - brown eggs, leftover variety tiny potatoes, Bellville Meat Market chipotle sausage, and peppered bacon; Does anyone do this with their eggs? I make patterns - does this make me a psycho? Dustin told me about the cover - that helped; bacon - from Bellville; Me with bacon that needs more crisp, to it; top of the morning to ya!

Let’s Call It, “The Jennie Candle”

I feel like she would laugh at it because it was a Facebook pop-up ad, but at the same time want one.

This was initially supposed to be a Facebook post, but then writing the post it got too long. I remembered I started blogging again. And tada - a blog post. (It takes awhile for the lightbulb to come. Keep flipping the switch, something will spark). And I figured most of you would be asking, “why is this candle so important? Are you getting money from these people?”

The day after we found out that Jennie had passed away (by the way, I really don’t like that phrase. But is there really a good one?) Lizzie and I were looking at all the posts people were making about her. Then we came across an advertisement for this Maya Bleu candle. It has real (let’s just go with that they are, because I’m pretty skeptical) shark teeth in it. And then once the candle is gone, you can plant the little seeds that are in it and have a plant.

Lizzie looked at me and said, “Mom look, it’s like Jennie is sending us a little message. We have to get it!” And so we ordered one.

So you’re probably thinking, “okay that’s great, Kerri, what’s the point. Why is this a big deal that you have to blog about it?” I’m getting to it. Jennie and I worked together. When I had Lizzie, I left work and we stayed in touch. As Lizzie grew, I felt like she some how was actually Jennie’s child through some weird osmosis. Jennie agreed. My girl was funny, a bit snarky, loved all reptiles, favorite shark was a Megalodon and loved dinosaurs…especially raptors. She was a miniature Jennie. And I fully expected to be served papers to have Lizzie sent back to her rightful mom.

Lizzie got to see a person who went through a major hurricane with a smile on her face when we went and brought them food and what little cleaning supplies we could find. Jennie and Lizzie even used the kids’ version of Facebook Messenger, to chat. I don’t think it was much but silly pictures. But it meant a lot to Lizzie. So when she saw this candle, she wanted it to remember someone she didn’t know well but well enough.

And that’s why the candle is important.

Starting Anew

I decided to blog again. I want to over share our family life. I want people to get know us other than the social media versions of us.  I’m also hoping these posts will be little memory joggers for my children as they get older.

A few things brought this one. Well maybe more than a few. Here they are: 

It’s hard to post words or drawings on social media without context.  And I have to really explain it. Our humor is weird, jokes are mostly inside and puns are usually intended. Also, there tough subjects we may talk about. There is a lot of judgement and impressions that are made without understanding or having a conversation. With a blog, I know those that follow will have a discussion or at least understand without judgement. 

My little company, Lou & Coops, took a backseat to life and work. We made some big plans. I decided to work and Dustin started contract work, between that and the actual Lou & Coops, there wasn’t much time.  Still reevaluating and working what to do with L&C (the company-not the kids).

We had friends that wanted us to start a podcast. Which let me tell you as entertaining as it for us to spar back and forth on riveting conversations like can people believe in God and aliens or what was the best 80s movie or the thought process behind why Dustin would think pressuring washing a rug would be a good idea, only like 6 people are going to listen. Might as well post it on a blog.

A friend of mine passed away suddenly and unexpectedly to what seems like the world’s dismay (y’all she touched so many lives). That I thought about her a lot.  She had closer friends than what we were, but anytime she reached out to you or spoke to you, she made you feel like you were the only person that mattered. And you so matter. She also had everyone laughing and was a major bright spot. I want to continue that for her and answer WWJD (What Would Jenny Do).  She would be raw, unfiltered, her unapologetic self, and make sure you know that you are matter. And live life like it should be lived and find humor in the small things. And love unconditionally, be kind and if you can’t say anything nice - keep your mouth shut. And you know what she took pictures of herself. I never do that because I’m super self-conscious of my appearance. I don’t like certain parts of me and that I’m not thin (maybe one day). But all these posts that friends of Jennie have shared, and in the photos there she is enjoying her best life and smiling and having fun. I need to do that more and quick worrying about what other people think. I already know what the people that matter think, and dang it, that’s all that I should care about. (Easier said then done but I’m gonna try). I could go on about Jennie and maybe one day I will. 

I was also sitting in church and this verse spoke to me. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭

In hearing that, what I have been thinking about how short life and WhatWouldJennyDo, I wanted to have a better mindset. And this may take some time not to slip into old habits of being negative, speaking before thinking or jumping to conclusions. But I feel like I need to apologize and explain myself for a few things. (I also think of that scene in Billy Madison where he apologizes to everyone). But I feel that I need to in order to have a renewed mind...to much of my family’s dismay. 

First, those who I have lost touch with, we all do. We grow up and have families and they take priority and work. Don’t think I haven’t forgot you or the times we shared. 

Second, to those that I worked with in the past: I didn’t know how much of my negativity, lack of self confidence, anxiety and depression controlled my personality. It wasn’t until I suffered from Postpartum Depression that I realized how bad anxiety and depression had affected me. I know it seems like an excuse. However, until I got on medication, I didn’t see how I was and why I couldn’t control my emotions. I still struggle with it and that’s okay.

Third, I have jumped to conclusions on things without seeing the entire picture and realizing it really didn’t matter. I needed to take a step back and realize it doesn’t matter. And ask is this really worth the fight? I don’t need to waste my time for things that are going to matter in the long run. 

I hope you enjoy the blog. I promise they won’t be as long as this post, unless Dustin and I are going back and forth on a topic, like board games are supposed to be friendly and you shouldn’t act as if you are going to war to win a game...Dustin. And that I will always be better at Churchill Solitaire. 😜

Remember to Float

I haven’t blogged in a while and today after an incident, after my frustration and then sadness took over, I felt it was a good time to blog. And not just for therapy, because if I can touch one person, then maybe it’s worth it to share my life.

I highly recommend the Pixar short, Float. Float is about the fear of not being able to protect someone you love and learning to let go. For this that haven’t seen it, it is about a father and son’s relationship.  The son has some extraordinary gifts that make him different. After one bad reaction from other parents, the dad feels compelled to hid his son from the world, until the dad realizes one day that the world needs to see his son and his son needs to be happy. Because in the end, isn’t that what we want, for our children to be happy?

My son, who is “high-functioning autistic” or “somewhat special needs” did something today that caused me a lot of embarrassment. It wasn’t anything extremely terrible, no one got hurt. But it upset me. I finally felt like we were doing great and moving ahead and bam!

I got upset. We went to a quiet room where I sternly reprimand him for his behavior and actions. I also took him to the bathroom and gave him a spanking...which does not work on him and makes me feel worse. 

And then away from him, I said it. I said those words that I thought I never would say, “why can’t you be normal? Why can’t they tell me what’s wrong so we can help you? Why is this always so hard?”

I’m crying just writing these words and thinking back. I think I have cried all day. This precious gift that God gave me when I thought all hope was lost on having another child, I’m questioning. How could I even say that? If anything my thoughts and words are worse than his behavior. 

Instead of focusing on the positive things that make my son different, I chose to see the weird kid that has terrible behavior that no one wants to be around. I chose to have the fear again of thinking, “they want to put him in Kindergarten?! What’s going to happen? He’s not ready? Especially when this happens!” Instead I should be thinking, “wow, they want to put him in Kindergarten, they think he’s ready. That’s great.”

In the case where he does make a bad decision, doesn’t fit the norm, makes weird sounds or throws a fit, I need to remember why God gave me this child. He gave me this amazing child who loves, who never has met a stranger, who makes you see the magic in a butterfly. This child that you will fight battles you never fought before, hug a little tighter and love fiercely. 

I also need to remember that I am human. I will fall and get frustrated. I will hurt and I will not be able to fix everything as much as I want to fix everything. And that’s it’s okay to cry. And to let my son shine in the world and be happy. 

To all the parents out there struggling, It’s okay. You are going to have good days and a whole lot of bad. Remember to take a deep breath, shake off the bad and keep pushing through. Remember to pray and remember to stop and slow down and see the gifts that God has given you. And remember it’s okay to float.

It's hard being a girl

I need to rant for a minute. And I hate posting things that upset me but I think I would feel better if I got it out. 

Lizzie is having a tough time. And she did last year. She’s has a hard time making friends, finding someone to play with on the playground, kids that won’t make fun of her because she likes the color blue, dinosaurs and that God is pretty colorful because he created everyone in His likeness. 

She also has had a tough time being in the shadows of her brother. He gets a lot of attention and as we tell her most of it isn’t positive. He’s been diagnosed as autistic but I think he’s more ADD and Tasmanian Devil. 

And she has also gained some weight. Which as a chubby girl, myself, that is hard. We love her no matter what she looks like, but others can be cruel. And I also want her to be healthy. I’m terrified of childhood cancers and diabetes- not because she has gained weight but because who knows what is put in our food nowadays. 

She is starting to get very anxious the night before and the morning of school. Saying how much she will miss us, how she wants to stay home. I have also tried to comfort her, look into homeschooling to her hating that idea of leaving her school.

I have tried so hard to make her feel good about herself. I have tried to help her find ways to make friends. I have taken her out and done things with just her and I.

Imagine how happy I was when I saw a program called Girls on the Run for 3rd and 4th grade girls. What is Girls on the Run? Here is what their website says:

“Girls on the Run is a transformational physical activity based positive youth development program for girls in 3rd-8th grade.

We teach life skills through dynamic, interactive lessons and running games. The program culminates with the girls being physically and emotionally prepared to complete a celebratory 5K running event. The goal of the program is to unleash confidence through accomplishment while establishing a lifetime appreciation of health and fitness.”

Lizzie wasn’t excited about the running part but when she found out friends she knew signed up she was ready. We signed up on the first day you could, paid and even gave a donation to the program. 

She couldn’t wait to do it. Two of her teachers where in it. One of the therapists we talked to in Cooper’s ARD meeting, who is also one of the fishes, said it would really help her with her confidence and making friends.

So imagine all of our surprise when we got an email informing us that she wasn’t picked. That they had a limited amount of spots and she wasn’t getting one. 

I broke the news gently to her. To which her response was, “no one wants me on their team.” It broke my heart. We tried telling her that wasn’t the case. That so many girls wanted to do it too and they randomly picked them. But she named two girls who she said, “they get picked for everything and they have so many friends.” I told her “not everything is as it seems on the outside. They might have problems on the inside that we don’t see.”

She made some peace with by saying “well I don’t have to run now.” But every time I see a Girls on the Run post, it’s like a knife to my heart. How could they talk about confidence when lowering someone’s. 

My daughter isn’t entitled to this program. I honestly don’t care if she is in it now. I’m not writing this to get her into the program. Im writing this because I do t think it’s fair that they don’t let every girl that applies in. How can you boost self-esteem and confidence when you tell them sorry we don’t have room for you?

I’m not sure the answer. Hopefully when the rain stops and we can go walk or run together we will. And we will laugh and smile and make more memories.  

Still no sleep but the kids are alright

Can’t believe we have an 8 year old! Holy cow! Where did time go? Lizzie turned 8 and wanted to spend her birthday with her cousins in Victoria.

Lizzie is doing great. Loving the third grade. She will start a program soon called Girls on The Run. Both her and Cooper are still taking swim lessons. 

August has been a bit of a whirlwind for us. After a few days on the medication the neurologist put Cooper on, we noticed a complete difference in his behavior. He did start sleeping better but that slowly stopped as well and he was visiting us at 3 am.

Cooper had his 4 year check-up. His doctor questioned why he was on the medication and we told her what we knew: they saw spikes on his EEG, his EEG was abnormal and it was to prevent seizures…that he wasn’t having. We all agreed he didn’t need to be on this medication. (He was also one of several children she had seen with the same folder from the same neurology facility with the same diagnosis)

I called the neurologist to ask about another medication and to see why he was on this one. I also mentioned after talking to his pediatrician, we have concerns. The neurologist tried to explain but as soon as I mentioned his pediatrician, the neurologist got very defensive and said that she went to school for neurology and a lot longer than she did. That upset me -  she didn’t seem to have my kid’s best interest and more of a contest of who knows more.

After talking to his therapists and hearing from the elementary schools psychologist apparently he is one of MANY kids that was told have EEG, MRI, medication, genetic testing and hours and hours of ABA therapy. This did not sit well with me. 

We decided to start weaning him off the medication. We still have an MRI scheduled and not sure if we should cancel it or not. He will NOT being doing any ABA therapy. We also contacted another neurologist for a second opinion. 

Cooper also started PPCD (Preschool Programs for Children with Disabilities) at a nearby elementary school. (The school that Lizzie goes to doesn’t have the program and they feed into the near by school.) He goes from 11:55 to 2:55 to big school and loves ever minute of it. He has the best teachers and we are so glad he is in the program. We are started to see differences in his behavior already.

He will be also starting his MDO Preschool (3 year old class) next week on T, TH, F from 9:00 to 11:40. We feel that this is the best for him. He also is still doing private therapy on Mondays.

So as of now Cooper loves school, is back to not sleeping through the night (even with the help of melatonin) and is thriving. We still don’t know what to do about the MRI. Sometimes we still don’t know what to do when it comes to Cooper. And the guilt of having to put Lizzie second at times is always there. But we do our best and make sure they know we love them more than anything.

Get Lost at Lost Pines

written by Dustin Wenzel

In the most uninteresting (and that’s a good thing) vacation we’ve had in the last few years, we wanted to brag about the Hyatt Lost Pines Resort in Bastrop … and give some tips if anyone is ever interested in checking it out. 

Our tribe has taken this trip around Cooper & Kerri’s birthday each of the last 3 years. Only going there once before in March just for one night, we still didn’t have a great expectation on what to expect. So … here’s what to expect:

When to Stay

Sunday-Tuesday. During the summer. Nuff said. Weekend rates, like all of these resorts, go crazy high, so it’s definitely worth your dollar to find some time off work during the week. Our rates have varied in the three years, but we’ve never paid more than $179 a night. Big asterisk … that doesn’t include $35 of a resort fee per night + taxes/fees/horse food, scissors for the landscapers, etc. Few tips here:

If you’re looking at a suite, don’t book it online. Wait until you check in the day of, and ask for the rate that night. The two times we got a suite, it was $150 extra per night. … instead of the $500/night difference online. 

Cheapest rooms will be the King beds. If you have a clan, just take air mattresses. Two twin ones fit well in the room.  We have stayed in a suite, a room with two queen beds and a king bedroom and never had a bad room. Nor have we ever had bad service with the room cleaning service. They have been top notch.

Book the price early, then check the same stay each day until you arrive. When you see it cheaper, call Hyatt and request that they move your rate to the current rate. They will. I did this in 2018 and saved $150, and again this year to save $90 total on 3 rooms. 

Where to Stay

Call a few days before and request a room near the pool area, or on the side of the restaurants. It’s a bit of a trek otherwise (nothing like Disney … and yes … I am being lazy when I say this). 

What to Do

There’s a ton. Let’s start with where we spend a total of about 11 hours – the pool. The pool has a beach entry, so about ½ of the large pool is covered with some amount of sand. I’ve gotten used to it on my third time back. Felt like I was on sandpaper the first year. Every now and then you still step on a small stone, gravel or shell but it isn’t bad. IF you have sensitive toes then bring some water shoes. Kids can play in the sand (bring your own sand toys – you need a credit check to buy them there). 

There’s a lazy river that takes anywhere from 5-10 minutes to round out – depending on whether you’re floating, drinking or chasing children – guess which one we did … 

The lazy river meets the pool near a water slide that requires any rider to be 42” tall – for the record, that is exactly what Cooper was, so we avoided a potentially HUGE meltdown by getting to that mark. No floaties, no going in hands first, no stomach rides – so basically half of the rides Cooper took, he could’ve gotten lifeguard-arrested for. Since the autism was strong with that one this trip (he LOVES things that loop), he rode the slide a total of 50 times. I just wish I had 50 drinks in that time. It’s not long, too fast or too intimidating, so that helps. 

Don’t let the lack of crowd fool you at the bookends of the day – we were the first ones at the pool at 8 a.m. for about an hour – so the lazy river is awesome by ourselves (although you may see landscapers and pool dudes) … and it’s open until 10 p.m., so you can take the lazy river again when it’s pretty dark and relaxing. 

There is also volleyball set up inside the shallower end, an adult pool (next to the lazy river entrance) and plenty of seating. They also moved the giant checkers close to the pool bar and added foosball.

Moving past the pool, Kerri took a trip to the spa to feel fancy. Loved the foot massage I got her for her birthday. Note to adults: There’s a quiet adults-only pool & sauna there that probably nobody but spa-goers know. There’s also a fitness area, men's and women's relaxation rooms, hot tubs, saunas and steam rooms. Also note to adults: SpaDjango is Cha-Ching-Django. Unless you take advantage of the adults-only pool, sauna and relaxation rooms which are free to guests. 

There are also animal encounters with some of the resort’s animals. There is always things going on, including a camp for kiddos, puzzles, games and more. 

Other things that are expensive but cool things to do … 

• Horseback riding – We did this on our first winter trip and loved it. It was pricy, but make this the first thing on the list that would cost money (maybe beside the foot rub)

• Archery / axe throwing

• Fishing

• Zip-lining across Bastrop State Park – sounds and looks cool, but pooping your pants does not (and that’s what I would do).

• Golf – Looks expensive, b/c it is expensive … but looks like a great course. I just don’t wanna chase a ball for 6 hours when I could chase a beer for that long.

The “don’t miss” item for us, toward the end of the night, is the free s’mores and movie on the launch, equipped with Cooper’s favorite – popcorn. That movie doesn’t start until about 8:30ish, but if the kids had a nap, it’s great to hang out after a long day in the sun. 

We like the s’mores time because we can play on the green. We toss a football around, play badminton or gaga ball. 

Where to Eat

The food there is $$. Eat breakfast from the gift shop, McDade’s, to save some money. Their tacos are amazing and are $3 instead of $20 buffet at another restaurant. 

Since we’re not buffet people, we opt to go instead to the Shellers Bar. Good wings, very good beer (doesn’t the word good and beer go hand in hand, though), and Kerri loved their healthy option of chicken and asparagus. 

At the pool, try to avoid the hot dog stand, b/c of the bank it takes to stick a dog in your pie-hole. It’s $9 for a bag of chips and a hotdog. Yup. I agree. There’s also a food truck with pizza and BBQ just outside the pool that looked good, prob b/c it wasn’t a $9 hotdog. You can also opt to get something from your waitstaff at the pool if you want to feel fancy. 

There are plenty of stores and restaurants outside the resort. We really like the brick oven pizza from Bastiano's Pizzeria. They do a ton of carry-out but we love to go eat at the small, welcoming restaurant. It’s family owned. The staff is wonderful and the food is amazing. https://www.bastianospizzeria.com

There’s also a burger place and a place next to the Golf Clubhouse to check out if you wanted to walk a block or so. Here’s a list of all the eating options there: https://www.hyatt.com/en-US/hotel/texas/hyatt-regency-lost-pines-resort-and-spa/auslp/dining

Just don’t plan on eating cheap … UNLESS … 

You want to bring things to microwave, b/c there are microwaves hidden next to the ice machine on each floor. So … got kids that don’t eat anything but rocks, hot dogs, nuggets and mac and cheese? We have a plan for that! Bring the microwaveable mac, and save yo’self some dough. 

All and all, LP is a great place to spend a few nights that only required a minimal 2-hour drive away from our hood. 

EEG Spikes and Cooper

Note: I wanted to let everyone know how grateful for all the prayers, good thoughts and vibes. We write this blog to keep all our family and friends updated in one easy swoop. We aren’t by any means looking for pity. Things could be much, much worse. We are beyond grateful and blessed for our little boy that God gifted to us. We are also grateful and blessed to have all of you. I am under the opinion (my own) that God puts people in your path for a specific reason, sometimes you find out those reasons. I don’t think that the people you meet are by change or circumstance. And that includes all of you that have supported us. 

Last Thursday (July 25) we got a call from the neurology center. They found something on the EEG and asked if we could come in as soon as we could. That happened to be today. (Tuesday, July 30) We were going to see a different doctor at the practice. The one we saw before specializes in autism and ADHD. 

The new doctor explained that she had seen spikes on the EEG. They happened randomly and they are commonly seen in children with autism. The spikes were on both sides of the temporal lobe region (on the sides of the head.) The weren’t constant. They were sporadic and it wasn’t like there were a ton of them.

After meeting Cooper, she saw some of his “autistic” mannerisms, covering his ears, flapping his arms. She also saw some of his ADHD, anxiety and behavioral issues - running around the room, jumping, walking on chairs, dancing and asking questions.

She also had a plan of action for us. And this is where we are right now. Two of the three things  I was going to ask about if they didn’t bring up, were mentioned. The first one is a genetic test. However I didn’t realize Dustin, Cooper and I were all going to have a genetic blood test done. This will take 4-6 months to get results. It is a full panel that is going to see what we all have. Cooper did have a genetic test done involving salvia but that came back normal and showed he had no signs of autism or ADHD.

The blood test was awful for Cooper…well really all of us. Dustin had to sit and hold him down. I had to come in front and keep him pinned to Dustin. I watched as all his moving around caused the needle to come out and blood spurted all over. I watched as the nurse found another vein and moved the needle around until blood started flowing into the tube. It killed me to see.

The second thing she suggested that I was going to ask about was an MRI. She really wants to take a look at his brain and make sure everything is normal. I think she may also want to check for any trauma his brain may have endured during childbirth. I think that he had some damage done when they delivered him. And it is quite possible. That will be done in a week or two with a 3-4 day turn around on the results.

She also is putting him on a low dose medication to stop the spikes. It should also help him concentrate as well. So we are going to try it and see. Also she suggested ABA therapy again, but we really want to wait and see how he does. I don’t like the idea of my child going 7-8 hours of therapy a day. Plus we need to do more research. And we want the medicine to work before we start throwing things at him. 

This is our game plan for the time being. He is still enrolled in the preschool he attended last year for the fall. We are also waiting to hear back from he school district on any what he qualifies for and if he is going to start this year.

Thanks again for reading and supporting us!

Cooper and his bandage from the blood draw.

The latest

Besides moving our blog (sorry everyone. We should have kept our home at SquareSpace in the first place. But we are now back), Cooper had a test.

We went back to the neurologist a few weeks ago. He suggest a 24 hour EEG instead of a 48 hour. He also suggested ABA therapy.

After to many people…professionals and friends…we decided not to go the ABA therapy route. We decided to keep his speech and OT. We also are waiting to hear back from the school district on services that he maybe getting in the coming school year. We also want to keep him at his preschool if possible.

we decided to do the EEG. We thought maybe it would give some insight to why he wakes up as much as he does at night. And maybe why he can’t sit still.

The EEG could have been a lot worse. In fact we thought he would be such a mess that it wouldn’t happen. He cried and fought the wires going on. I think because it looked so scary and because he thought it was going to make noise. He did really well until I had to continue to move a camera around with him. Luckily his big sister help make it fun and he was okay with it.

He fell asleep with the help of melatonin around 8:30 but was up at 2:30 to 5:30 and back up at 6:30. He couldn’t get comfortable with the backpack.

And he was such a happy dude for the lack of sleep.

We will be getting those results back in 30 days or so.

Let's start at the beginning

It’s a very good place to start.

Dustin and I started dating at the end of 2003. We both worked for a newspaper. Eventually we went to work for a paper in Katy and moved. We eventually got engaged and married in 2010.

We had Lizzie on August 23, 2011. She had a milk protein allergy. But other than that a pretty good baby.

We had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, followed by a chemical pregnancy and then lost another pregnancy, Luke, at 16 weeks.

After being told that we shouldn’t have anymore children by a genetic counselor, we found out in October of 2014, that we were expecting.

I was brought in for testing, blood work and monitoring because of pregnancy history and because I was 37. We were going to have a boy and everything was going great.

Cooper wasn’t a rough delivery. But we did have problems pulling him out. But he came out.

Cooper ended up with a milk protein allergy, eczema and reflux. But he still hit every single milestone. He was climbing before he could walk!

When he was 18 months, he vomited for 54 days straight. After numerous testing, Cooper was found to have severe silent reflux. During this time he stopped taking and his speech became delayed.

Over the next few years and struggling in his 2 year old daycare class, we had him tested for speech and occupational therapy. There we found that Cooper is delayed in speech and has pervasive developmental disorder and is a sensory seeker.

He ended up having an endoscopy to check his reflux and was found to have ulcers and some reflux. He also had tubes put in his ears in November of 2018. (One has already fallen out – drats!)

We had him genetically tested by a neurologist and it was found he didn’t have any issues. However, we have yet to do an EEG on him.

He was tested by the school system and was found to have speech issues and autistic.

So this is where we are today.

Prayer

As I sit here waiting for my silhouette machine to finishing cutting so I can update the Lou & Coops website with some fall items, new pages, and new kids line, tears are filling my eyes. And it’s not out of frustration because the fall items are late which will push the holiday products back. It’s out of relief and feeling like the richest person in the world.

Relief. It has been a hard last couple of months. From normal colds to hearing the words your husband has a mass in his lung, to finding it’s an abscess which will weaken him to a point he never faced before to getting myself sick, as well as our son. And it’s hard with our son due to his speech delay and sensory disorders. Starting to get answers for him and hearing today that my husband’s abscess is shrinking has been answers to so many, many prayers.

The prayers make me feel like the richest person in the world. I have had a hard time with prayer. I pray for my friends, family and those in the world who are suffering. But when I pray for myself or my husband, I sometimes feel like God isn’t listening. I get petty and jealous when I see those on social media who pray and say pray and ask God what you want and he will provide as they drive a better car, build a better house or have more help with their children. Where as I would pray but everything seemed the same. And more struggles. Wow, admitting that makes me feel so small and so petty. But as I prayed (and lately I have prayed for God to help me decide which direction my faith life is heading, as well as praying for my family), I realized how many true friends in Christ and in life we have that will take the time to pray or send good thoughts our way. I didn’t realize just how much people care about us and not just going through the motions of saying they are praying and thinking of us. The countless messages, calls, emails and conversations have made us feel so connected to our friends and God through love and support. And I see the gift that God has given us is priceless to the material possessions we covet here on Earth. 

I can not thank everyone enough not only for the prayers, but for refreshing my eyes to God’s love and works. And for giving us this reward. I always go by the old saying be kind to everyone because you don’t know their struggle. And after this experience, I feel like if we could all be kind and gentle, man, what a world we would have.

Parenting is not perfection

I wanted to share a few things that I might make you laugh, cringe, cry or think is she copying my life? I had a moment today where I thought, "wow, i'm totally crushing it this week." That quickly turned to, "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I have to survive, I'll do what it takes."

Cooper is eating cheddar veggie straws because he won't eat anything else and is on a new round of antibiotics after seeing an EN and has to eat with the new meds. Lizzie is currently home sick after I had to go get her from school, after what I thought (and really ya'll probably is) was her being overtired. But now she's throwing up. I just wanted to make a JuicePlus shake, have some coffee. 

And I have a short fuse. I'm snapping and yelling. Why because things are perfect and I'm having to give one kid chips because he won't eat. And the other is treating me like a servant because she sick. And now I feel bad because I'm mad.

Here's the thing, where I'm feeling guilty and like a bad mom for the choices I making for my kids (junk for breakfast - not giving my kid the benefit of the doubt), it's okay. Because as parents, we got to do what works for us. We kill ourselves to be perfect - and for who? Not ourselves but for others to see.

I try to remember Galatians 1:10 (Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.)

My parent friends think about that today when you feel guilty about choices you made regarding your kiddos.  Stop. It's okay to not have perfect kids. It's okay that your kids aren't like all your friends kids. It's okay for you not to get what you need done. It's okay to not be able to hold it together. We are all in this together. Trying to be perfect will only leave you feeing insane and empty.

Hugs, y'all!

To-go fun

When my daughter was maybe 2 or 3, I was sad because there wasn't anymore Saturday cartoons. The fun toys that I loved to play with and that sparked my imagination, are either buried in the past or carry a hefty price tag for being "retro."

We had a first generation iPad. And we found some apps. She really liked and responded to Sago Mini. The Sago Mini apps are smart, educational and importantly, fun. She loved the characters, the different adventures they would go on could keep her talking about them for hours. 

She grew up and found KidsTube. Her two year old brother soon found Sago Mini. Just like his sister before him, he loved each character. And then Cooper found KidsTube.

There are so many, MANY problems with KidsTube. Mainly, the videos of kids (and adults) opening products that they want. Parents playing with toys with their kids and videoing it - allowing them to earn income on ad revenue. Plus, it's addicting. A simple app, would keep their attention for a 15 minutes at most. And the kids were willing to unplug from electronics. With KidsTube, asking my kids to put down the iPad is like watching an addict needing their next fix.

Trust me, my husband and I are quick to hand out phones and pads to quiet them at a restaurant. But when the meal comes, it's an all out battle for the phones and pads to be off while we eat.

So what does this have to do with SagoMini? Remember how I said Sago Mini is smart? SagoMini came out with a line of portable on the go toys. We first purchased Harvey and his rocket, on a whim just to see if they would play with it.

Holy cow! The kids took turns playing with Harvey and blasting off around a restaurant. Harvey has been on countless adventures during his road trips and normal outings with us. The Sago mini toys are so much fun and easy to take along. No more screaming about iPads or no wifi at restaurants. Just actual imagination and fun - made by them, not somebody on KidsTube.

When I saw that Amazon sold the other playsets, I thought well maybe. They aren't very cheap. I found them on sale, because the box was damaged. At that price, I decided to snatch them up.

It is now going on hour 2 as the kids sit together and play with the diner, house and of course, the rocket. What's even better, is they are playing with the characters that they see on their apps. The kind of characters that spread kindness, joy, learning and fun - something that seems to be lacking in our some of the cartoons today.  

I can't wait to take them on our next trip - even if it's to the restaurant a mile away.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

What a year! When I decided to redo the website and really start to push Lou & Coops, little did I know a lot of my big dreams would not be fulfilled this year. And it took a while, but I am okay with that.

I wanted to sell my own designs, have a napkin line and still provide design & photography services. However, with two children, (one being a rowdy two year old) and a foot stuck in an air cast for 9 weeks, my dreams were put on the back burner.

However, what wasn't put on the back burner, were our clients - new and old. We had some amazing new clients that need our help and services for their businesses, and old clients that wanted to expand their market and reach a whole new level of customers. 

It made me excited and overjoyed to be able to make their dreams come to true. It was fun to start at the beginning steps of development of design and representation of a company to see the final touches in real life. It was a pleasure to be able to see their goals and dreams reached by being able to help their businesses grow and thrive. 

And to me that's what this season is about. Yes, we all want a present of our own, but the best present to receive is the one you give. That feeling inside that you get from watching others smile because of you, is the best gift in the world. And that is what Lou & Coops is all about. We may not have a site that is updated regularly, or even a facebook page with current content. We may not even have new products to sell. But we will ALWAYS be there for our clients.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

That didn't go as expected...

Just like me wanting to lose 80 pounds before my 40th birthday, things just didn't go as expected. Life happens.

So I can say with some frustration, Lou & Coops' new website didn't unveil like we were hoping.  We were hoping for a mid-June launch...only to be pushed to a mid July launch. 

But like me wanting to lose a ton of weight immediately, this site (and myself) needed to learn to love what we have, be patient and be happy. 

We apologize for the delays and can't wait to create for you!

The Napkins

I started something in December 2015 that took off into something bigger than it was intended to.  One innocent note to my daughter on a napkin in her lunch box, became something that friends and family wait for each day. And now fun 

What started the napkin drawing was my daughter came home from school. She told me no one would play with her and she sat on a bench during recess. My daughter is 4 and in preschool. She looked so sad, so forlorn. However, my daughter can also spew out a ton of bull, so I'm not sure how much of this is true. But she kept saying it happened every day.  (It doesn't anymore and I'm not sure it really did — but I'll give her the benefit.)

One day I decided to write a simple I heart (the actual shape not the word. I mean she's smart and all but she's 4) U. She came home and told me it made her day better. I knew I needed to do more. I was made fun of in school (and I have extremely low self-esteem — let me just throw that out there, in case any of you want to kick me when I'm down, haha) and it hurts. I have also seen friends' children being picked on, and even hurt, because they are different. I would tell Lizzie to ask someone to play, giving her suggestions on games they could play, like tag or slide races. If I could just make her day a little bit better then maybe she will be all right. She can have something to look forward and maybe boost her spirits and confidence.

Then her Elf on the Shelf drew a self portrait to prank her in her lunch. That night, after her bedtime story, she looked at me and said, "I wonder what will be on my napkin tomorrow." Then I knew I needed to do more.  So I did. 

I posted it to Instagram, sharing it through that social media site to Facebook and Twitter. I would receive several comments on the drawings. Then I got texts, emails and messages from friends saying they look forward to drawing them. One friend told me she thinks she is more excited than Lizzie to see them. You guys, that makes my heart swell and makes me happy! Seriously! 

I still draw them every day for Lizzie, but I also draw to make others smile, to give my friends and family a small bright spot in their day.

The drawings are not traced. I Google what I want to draw and look at it while I draw it. They are no where near perfect. Some have color and some don't. They are just simple little drawings to make you smile. Since I have been drawing and writing things like I love you, Lizzie is learning to write I love you. It is adorable to get a drawing from her with I LV U and a heart on it and makes it all worth it.

When I travel or we eat out, I always try to grab a paper napkin and use it for a drawing. It's a fun reminder of where we have been and a way to reuse.

Look them up on Instagram, searching the hashtag #lizziesnapkins